Summer's here and there's no time for hanging around the Chumps. So are you going through the Chump trough right now or do you know a friend who is. Don't worry, we'll help you with these simple steps:
New meaning for Exit is Happiness (Eliminate Barriers to Exit)
We all admit it’s very hard to force people to change their ways when it comes to a romantic entanglement. So if you find it's harder than you thought, grab a pen and paper and write down the pros and cons. In the space between these two, list one thing that is the deal breaker. If this one thing already exists in your relationship or your friends, then please start lacing your running shoes.
Scientist Amy Strachman, research at eHarmony Lab identified that unhappy people may not end their relationship because forces other than love, fun, and satisfaction are keeping them together. “There are ‘barrier forces,’ which include poor alternatives to the relationship combined with the potential loss of investments. If you’ve put in a lot of investment in the relationship, it makes it harder to leave. And if you don’t have a lot of other social outlets, the barriers to leaving can also be emotional, such as loneliness and fear.”
Perspective
You’ve probably observed that people with few barriers to exiting a relationship are more likely to break up and try something new—Jennifer Lopez leaves her husbands at the drop of a hat, whereas Rhea Perlman has stayed married to Danny DeVito for decades!
Sometimes Psychology Helps
If your letting your life get ruined by a parasitic loser, it’s likely because this monster in some way fills a dark void in your past, replacing it with an ugly but otherwise manageable present.
Perspective
Instead of focusing on what the boyfriend did, point out how that behavior is a repetition of things in her past. That’s something much harder for her to rationalize around! If she’s had other boyfriends in the past who also treated her badly, point that out too, that the current chump is just one more link in a chain of attempts to rectify something in the past that can never be cured by a man in her present. Mind you, it doesn’t mean she’ll actually leave him! But she’s far more likely to concede the point and admit how deeply rooted the bad relationship is if you bring up insights that ring true (and maybe you can even get her to go see a real therapist, which would help even further).
